Fulfillment Fatigue:
When chasing more isn't the move.
Today I’m especially sensitive.
There could be ten different reasons for this: having mom brain in full-effect and just worrying about my kids in general, not having slept well, my job is changing in June and with it the stability I had is also changing, I got in a stupid fight with my husband yesterday, there’s a new bill added to my pile because I broke a freaking tooth last month, and as a friend of mine commented earlier today - it’s the mondiest Monday ever. And with all of those things comes the overanalyzation of what I could be doing to just change everything in one fell swoop. Pack it up, pack it in, move to Bali and run away from it all - chasing greener grass that most surely grows…somewhere else.
I find myself judging my circumstances harshly, feeling a deep ache that there probably are some things that need to change, but knowing I’m probably not going to change them. I’m losing the “keep growing and evolving” rat race and am surely going to wind up ultimately unfulfilled and not having found true and complete joy.
Today I’ve had enough of the garden-variety gurus pushing me to excel and burn everything down so I can rise like the phoenix I’m meant to be. Today, I’m asking myself if what I already have is really enough.
Everywhere we turn, someone’s telling us to chase joy. Find your purpose. Reinvent your life. Be fulfilled.
And if you’re not doing that? If you’re not completely lit up and radically aligned and vibrating at a higher frequency or whatever the hell the internet is saying today?
You must be doing it wrong. You’re not really living. You’re avoiding the life you’re truly meant to have!
What if that’s all bullshit?
There’s always been societal pressure, but I feel like it went from “be successful by having a good job even if you are miserable” to “make sure you are doing absolutely everything to always feel fulfilled”.
The pressure to feel constant fulfillment has become exhausting. The personal development world often pathologizes contentment and romanticizes chaos. When I left my previous job on principal and jumped into an unknown and unstable future, people applauded my courage - but how many of them were standing there willing to pick me up off the floor when things got dark and I had no idea what my next move was?
I’m not saying we should forever play it safe and settle into a life of…well settling. Ultimately I think that would be no fun. But what I am asking is if there are things in our lives that we look at as needing change but maybe don’t?
xo Lauren
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